The Lady Hooligan’s Page

This blog has been running for the past two years.  I don’t know how many of my initial objectives I have reached, strangely enough.  Maybe I should get some objectives that are more concrete and start measuring THEM!

What drives me nuts, however, is the sheer volume of spam that I receive from people in Russia.  I am NOT interested in cheap Viagra, Cialis or any other prescription medication and while I do like to watch porn sometimes, I do not want to promote it in my blog!  Well, maybe that’s a measurement… Hmmm…

I’ll see.  Looking forward to the next two years of blogging!

I’m running solo. No, it’s not by choice. If I had my way, I’d be married by now, with at least 3 little rugrats to keep me on my toes. Being on my own is simply the way my life turned out, the consequence of choices made in the past.

Yes, it does get to me. I get extremely lonely and I’d love to have someone to talk to - to bounce ideas off… and dreams… and to set goals together… and work towards getting those goals done! Right now, all I feel is pain, especially when I look at other people who are coupled up.

Let’s be positive. It’ll change. I must just keep faith, both in myself and in the society that I live in. There must be someone out there who can be both my roots and my wings, my throttle and my brake. That’s all I want - a solid partner. He’s out there.

Amen

In the 80’s here in South Africa, that was a catchphrase. It was supposed to be the opposite of being high on any other substance, especially those that society deemed unacceptable… However, I have realised that being high on life can be crazy, be fun and sometimes people even think you’re drunk! Rather ironic, since I rarely drink anything alcoholic!

Today was one of those crazy days. Yes, it was a Monday and it was also the Winter Solstice here in the sunny, extremely cold, south of Africa. But besides the weather, I just felt like celebrating. After all, I have food in my tummy, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, petrol in my car and a job to go to each morning, whether I feel like it or not! Besides, being a bit nuts really rubs off on others.

I don’t go around being a Polyanna. I know bad things happen to people. A woman burst into my library today in a state of terrible anger and bitterness because her car was stolen earlier this month and she lost her wallet with all her cards and other documents in the process. I knew what she felt like, because I had been stolen from before, myself! That doesn’t mean that I plan to go through life with a negative, bitter outlook! I don’t plan to be a racist, either! (I’m a spietkopsist, but that doesn’t count!)

Only downside to my day today was that I have to attend a meeting tomorrow morning. I’m going to go, but I’m putting it on record now that if it hasn’t started by 9:30, I’m going to leave. As it is, it’s going to take a lot of little voice management for me to be present… AND in the moment!

Goggo on a very wet autumn day...

• Have Goggo’s speedometer unit fixed! (Thursday, 10 June)
• Have the left front indicator light fixed!
• Have the carpeting in front stuck back!
• Fix the right back light! (superglue and screws)
• Clean out the car!
• Do a valet on him!
• Refix that little tweeter speaker.
• Buy and fit a new flag, or fix the one he’s flying now!
• Design a name - have it made up in vinyl and fixed.
• Call Hannes up: did he get the trim bits I need?
• Have them fixed
• Give him another bath, and vacuum inside!
• Spray some smelly stuff… Alternatively, have a bit of fabric softener in the air vent…
• Fill up, check the oil, check ALL 5 tyres, add brake fluid…
• Go to bed - remember the photographs for my scrapbook!

I have come to the conclusion that it may be my fate to remain single, after all. Not by conscious choice, but because it happens to be the way things are ordained to be. Always the Other, never the One…

I’m tired of putting up a smiley face whenever people ask me how I am. I’m tired of telling them “I’m fine, thanks!” when I feel shattered inside. And I’m tired of being nice, when I feel like taking a hatchet to someone. I’m tired of hurting, but I’m even more drained by the knowledge that I have no-one to share that hurt with, that my life is filled with people who don’t notce the one who sits in the corner, crying her heart out.

I did something reckless last weekend, took a massive gamble. Either way the dice falls, it would be the answer to a question and a signpost to the rest of my life. Neither way would be bad. All it means is that decisions will have to be made, goalposts moved and priorities shifted. We’ll see.

I applied for a fourth time! R155 000… And got the loan! Cool! Now things are finally going the way I felt they should have gone to begin with! I spoke to my legalperson today. I’m going to give the developer access to my deposit. R205 000 of it! The rest of the money, plus the interest, can be paid into my investment account. Now I shall have the cash available to do my own lights, extra cabinets and more expensive tiles. Maybe even an eSpring and a nice Persian rug! Cool!

Anyway, Dawid will draw up the paperwork tomorrow. And God willing I shall be in my place by my birthday! Unfortunately that’s still a long way off, but I reckon it’ll be worth the wait!

In the meantime, there is a moratorium on the purchasing of house stuff… I’ll buy more house stuff once the apartment is actually at ceiling height! At least then I’ll be able to judge the size of the place, so that I don’t have furniture that don’t fit! PLUS I’ll have a more accurate feel for light, etc.

I guess I sometimes forget that in all this mess with the new aparment, I should actually set small milestones for myself on all goals and reward my progress, even if it’s only in small steps! After all, you never know what motivational role that simple reward could play towards reaching bigger, better goals! So, I have been looking at my goals for 2010, or - rather - what’s left of the year, breaking them up into bite size steps (with dates) and setting rewards for said steps.

So let’s see what we can achieve in the next 7 months!

This time with a look at my image in the mirror and a struggle to fasten my corduroy pants! Same eating plan, but more motivation and NO maternal sabotage! I hope. O ya, and this round I might even do some exercise!

Let’s revisit the reasons why yours charmingly (that’s ME, by the way!) wants to gain slim:

• I shall have less pain in my pelvic and knee joints and won’t twist my ankles that often.
• I’ll fit into sexy, fashionable clothes - even be able to wear a dress without looking pregnant!
• My skin will improve - less pimples, less hair.
• I won’t be out of breath so often
• I’ll be attractive to members of the opposite gender
• I’ll be confident in front of a camera and on stage!
• I shall have normal, stable blood sugar levels.
• I shall be a good ambassador for a company that focuses on health and wellness.
• I will get in and out of cars and chairs much easier.
• I shall have acquired healthy, balanced eating habits.

Once again, I’ll go the HealthPointe route. Religiously. Steps and all. And with a good record-keeping system and decent rewards!

Watch this space!

My loan has FINALLY been approved. The documentation is at a lawyer’s in town - shall go and peruse it tomorrow morning! The subsidy wasn’t taken into account, but that can be remedied. All in all, I’ll pay less for my flat per month than I do for my Internet account.

The developer wants access to my deposit money. I have good legal advice NOT to allow it, so am stalling as much as I possibly can. At one point, though, I’ll have to make a decision, and need as many safeguards in place as I can put there! It’s a catch-22 situation: I need the place built so that I can move in! And he needs the money to build the place!

Let’s all pray that the first scheme (or phase) gets released this week, and he can continue without needing my cash!

In the meantime, I simply forward all his text messages to my lawyer (they ARE useful, sometimes!) and let the two guys sort matters out. I don’t want to become entangled.

I’ve been sanding that day bed this weekend. Not a heavy sand, although it does have some tricky spots. The previous varnish/sealer is a thin brittle coat that I could remove with my fingernails, if I really, really wanted to! I’ll apply some penetrating furniture wax this afternoon.

Woodwork is relaxing, especially sanding. Once you get into the rhythm, your mind can wander off…

But then I seriously enjoy craft work…

Let’s see what this week brings…